You probably didn't get to watch every MLS match this weekend. That's what we're here for. Here's what you missed, while you were doing who knows what.
IT'S DEUCE'S WORLD NOW: Clint Dempsey had himself an afternoon to remember on Saturday — again — in the Seattle Sounders' 4-1 victory over the Colorado Rapids. But it wasn't just the production and final product for his side that stood out.
No, the man known affectionately as "Deuce" was dripping wet with confidence and swag on the day, breaking out a series of no-look passes, backheel passes with a twirl and, oh, two more goals to take his league-leading tally to eight. That gives the kid from Nacogdoches seven goals in four games.
DUNNY'S RUNNING THE BROADCASTING GAME: Brian Dunseth, former MLS player and current color commentator for Real Salt Lake, is nearing "national treasure" status when it comes to fantastic sound bites on broadcasts. First, it was Dunny mentioning Toronto mayor Rob Ford.
This weekend, Dunseth outdid himself and name-checked a character from the popular television sitcom How I Met Your Mother.
Great #RSL commentators. One described the buildup to a shot on goal as "beautiful as Robin Scherbotzky."— Daniel Crowder (@darthdan) April 27, 2014
Stop that, Dunny, you're making the rest of us mere mortals sound so boring.
15 MINUTES OF CRAZINESS: For a game with nothing to write home about for the first 75 minutes, New England Revolution vs. Sporting Kansas City made sure to fill that void with a wild and crazy final 15 minutes.
With just five shots on target between the two sides the entire game — two of those coming on Revolution goals in stoppage time — the match was blown wide open when Aurelien Collin was given his marching orders in the 74th minute (WATCH HERE). It was always going to be former SKC man Teal Bunbury to haunt his old team (WATCH HERE).
La la la, 30 minutes gone, nothing doing; 45 minutes gone; 60 minutes gone; 75 minutes gone, BOOM, let's get crazy now!
WILL BRUIN APPROVES OF WILL BRUIN'S GOAL: Frankly, the following tweet is more than just a little terrifying.
That's Houston Dynamo forward Will Bruin looking on happily as Houston Dynamo forward Will Bruin celebrates his opening goal in a 1-1 draw with the Portland Timbers. Fathead Will Bruin is definitely thinking, "I wish I had guns like real Will Bruin."