NYC stand-up comedian and The Cooligans co-host Alexis Guerreros brings you the things on the North American soccer scene that most entertained him over the last week:
Turf figures turn to Twitter figures
The rivalry between Atlanta United and Orlando City rages on online. The games may be over for both teams until next year, but the MEMES MUST GO ON! Footie Mob sent a meme-of-all-memes in the direction of the Orlando faithful. The subtlety, the savageness. It’s so good you almost don’t see it, but when you do… OH MAN. This is direct hit, sunk battleship, sound the alarms, tell the kids to get back in their houses 💯/💯 on the Official Savage Meter™️
RSL no longer jammin'
I never thought this day would come. I honestly thought I would get the opportunity in the future to interview Kyle Beckerman with gray dreads. Well, that dream is now dead as the video below shows a dread-less Kyle.
One of my favorite things was telling new soccer fans who saw Kyle for the first time that “Kyle learned everything he knows from playing hacky sack in the streets of his ‘favela,’ which was the nickname for his cul-de-sac in Maryland.”
RBNY try to swing a result
Toronto and the New York Red Bulls met in a heated display at BMO Field.
RBNY seemingly had the Reds on the ropes but couldn’t land that haymaker that was needed. You guys get what I’m doing here.
Either way, the savagery of this meme is how happy the girl representing RBNY is about taking the L. This gets a 💯/💯 on the Official Savage Meter™️
Sounders shining after big win
Clint Dempsey has a way of coming back to haunt you if you’ve ever doubted him, are his opposition, are a ref who gives him a red card, etc.
Vancouver found this out the hard way as Clint returned from his suspension to drop two on them and secure the round for Seattle. Clint got no heart when it comes to opps.
Can you turn your Sounders down, please?
If you follow Seattle superfan @darling_dearest on Twitter you can follow along as she watches the Sounders and goes from enraged to elated and everywhere in between.
If, however, you are her neighbor, you may wonder why all the screams, screeches, and loud swearing are coming from that apartment down the hall. She used the best meme moment of 2017 to calm everyone down.
Hopefully Trey can print them out and place them around the building so she doesn’t get evicted.
You can switch channels on the VAR monitor?
Thanks to The Cooligans (yeah, I’m bigging up my podcast here because if you don’t toot your own horn sometimes you might not hear any music), we have the first of what we all hope are many VAR-themed memes.
For everyone watching Seattle vs. Vancouver and saw Jake Nerwinski clearly take down Nouhou Tolo in the box, you assumed it was a PK. The ref clearly didn’t. But doesn’t he know Nerwinski is from NJ and pulling someone's shirt in NJ is considered a felony?
I can’t give myself a score on the Official Savage Meter, so let me know how you think we did in the comments! I know the crew at MLS Playoff Central seemed to enjoy it!
Elbowing your way to the exits
NYCFC defender Alexander Callens played every single minute of the 2017 MLS regular season. He was on his way to doing so for the playoffs until he decided to yawn and stretch in mid air and let Justin Meram’s face collide with his very innocent elbow. The VAR got this one right.
NYCFC fans could be easily triggered with even the mere mention of an elbow. Here’s @NYCFC_Spiderman getting in on the meme action. Hilarious.
NY officially off the playoff map
RBNY and NYCFC both exit the Audi 2017 MLS Cup Playoffs in the Conference Semifinal stage. Both teams, however, went out swinging (yes, I’m doing it again) winning their second legs. But that would not be enough.
With no teams left to represent the Empire State there is only one thing left to do before everyone is allowed to go fishing: Crying Jordan. Great work adding a tiny Crying Jordan to Long Island as well!
Houston Defender Scores? ¯\(ツ)/¯
What if I told you Houston Dynamo defender Dylan Remick scored off a volley and celebrated by acting like it he does it every damn day?
The “¯\(ツ)/¯” had no name until now. It is now, officially, “The Remick.” Check out the reaction by his current and former teammates:
One last savaging
Remick's goal also provided that little extra bit of savagery to keep you warm throughout the international break.
Nothing like a Seattle fan, tweeting 🔥 aimed at a former Seattle player who now plays at a Cascadia rival, using the goal of a former Seattle player against their other Cascadia rival.
Is anyone keeping up with this? I hope so cause I kind of feel like:
Here you go, your Savagest™️ Tweet of the Week!
Although Michael clearly forgot about Fredy Montero's goal in the Knockout Round for Vancouver this year, it doesn't take away the sting that Remick has the same number of postseason goals as Montero, despite having played in 12 fewer playoff matches.
Extra point (aka away goal) for @-ing Fredy in the tweet.
What other fun stuff did you see this week? What did I miss? Hit me with it in the comments or tweet at me @SoccerCooligans with #FunniestMLS and we’ll include the best ones next week.
Alexis Guerreros is a stand-up comedian based in New York City and a co-host of The Cooligans. He also supports New York City FC.