Pucker up: Here comes Jim Curtin

Ever since the last Curtin Call was written the Chicago Fire have been in a tough stretch. We lost back-to-back games for the first time in a year and a half, and points have been hard to come by. I have decided that there is a direct relation between the writing of my columns and the team's performance. This theory will be put to the test Wednesday against New England, whom we tied last Sunday.

Looking at the schedule, I feel that the East will be won or lost in July. In just a two and a half week stretch, we have a home and away series with New England, followed by a home and away with the MetroStars. Both are obviously against conference rivals and the games probably won't be pretty to watch, but if one team can put three or four wins together, the rest of the East may not recover. I expect very physical battles in all four games, and it is nearing the point in the season where injuries and yellow card points play a huge role in the quality of the team you're playing that given Saturday.

If the Fire are to get back on track and make a run at defending the Eastern Conference title, it has to start in these four crucial games against the division, just prior to the All-Star break. These are what players and coaches refer to as six-point games, because with a win you are getting three valuable points, but just as importantly, you are taking three from a team that is close in the standings. The middle of the summer is where seasons can go from bad to good, good to great, and great to championship caliber, and only the deepest teams are successful.

On a lighter note, this past Fourth of July a bunch of the guys gathered at the Armas household for a barbeque. It was a great time and even included a softball game at the baseball field across from their house. I won't call anybody out, but I will say that some soccer players only played soccer growing up. All in all, I think we'd make a pretty strong squad and can honestly say we'd have a great infield (Chris Armas at third is a sight I haven't seen since Mike Schmidt), but our outfield needs work. Everyone had a good laugh at some of the Bad News Bears-type plays that were made on the day.

My friends and I have a theory that the band KISS is a completely made up media creation. There are at least three points that back this up. We are talking about a band that has "supposedly" sold over 80 million albums, yet:

  1. I have never met a KISS fan in my 25 years of living
  2. I have never been in a car, or at a party where somebody uttered the words "Hey why don't we throw in the KISS CD"
  3. If you ask anyone to name two KISS songs, they quickly sing, "I wanna rock and roll all night and party everyday," then when they try to name good ol' number two, silence ensues.

Just to hammer the nail into this theory "I wanna rock..." is played in the background of VH1's "KISS: Behind the Music" for the entire hour. Not one other song is even mentioned. In conclusion, KISS is in fact a terrible, terrible band.

The other day I saw a commercial for "low-carb" dog food. Yes, you read it right, dog food. Without even getting into how stupid you have to be to buy low-carb food for your Chihuahua or Lab, let's discuss how silly the whole low-carb craze has gotten.

My feeling is that some people are meant to be fat, some are medium and some are skinny (much like the original Nintendo hockey game). This is how we were made, and you have your parents to thank for that. If you're fat and want to be medium, eat less and move more. If you're skinny and want to be medium, eat more and move less. If your're medium you have two choices: eat less and move and you will be skinny, eat more and move less and you will be fat. You get the gist of my idea. Now I'll just publish a book and make millions with my new Curtin Diet.

I will be answering your questions in my next column.