NYC stand-up comedian and The Cooligans co-host Alexis Guerreros brings you the 10 things on the North American soccer scene that most entertained him over the last week:
Joe Willis has your back...
I’m sorry, I meant he’s behind you. Look out!
Immediately after his feat, Willis' hilarious MLS head shot photo from his days with D.C. United started making the rounds once again (courtesy of Pablo Maurer).
Creativity in Columbus
Columbus Crew SC fans were absolutely ready for this match and they showed up with bits!
They went directly at the core of Toronto culture, using it as banter in their chants. That said, calling a show mediocre isn’t exactly hardcore. They reserved that for every time Michael Bradley touched the ball.
Columbus Crew fans bringing the banter vs TFC, chanting 'Timbits are overrated' and 'DeGrassi is just an average show.' pic.twitter.com/ERZhdASrzS— Yahoo Canada Sports (@YahooCASports) November 22, 2017
Three Rookies of the Year in ATL
Julian Gressel just won the 2017 AT&T Rookie of the Year award for his stellar play (word is his interview on The Cooligans podcast is what put him over the top for the award). You may also remember Michael Parkhurst won Rookie of the Year in 2005, but that’s not it. Up in the suites sits Carlos Bocanegra, the Technical Director for ATLUTD, but you may not remember that he won the ROTY award himself back in 2000.
Club president Darren Eales wanted to make sure everyone remembered it. How else to do that than with a savage #TBT picture. The bleached tips, the oversized tux, the budding soul patch, the look of “hurry and take this picture I’ve got to go practice dance moves with the rest of my boyband…” this picture has it all. Savage.
Atlanta United says goodbye
Atlanta United decided to make some tough end-of-season roster decisions. Many players decided to tweet or Instagram some beautiful messages to the fans and recounting the experience of such a terrific first season. Not Bobby Boswell, though.
I totally understand the feeling of not wanting to waste a moment to be funny. Whenever an entire group of people looks directly at me, it’s usually because I’m on stage or at a deli and can’t figure out the insert credit card vs swipe thing. A good joke usually helps in those moments and here’s Bobby crushing this moment.
In hindsight, maybe asking Tata to refer to me as "Blanco Messi" next year was a mistake in my end of the year meeting.— Bobby Boswell (@bobbyboswell) November 21, 2017
Atlanta United’s neighbor also says goodbye
Atlanta United’s roster isn’t the only bit getting some spring cleaning. Looks like some extra space is being made around Mercedes-Benz Stadium by getting rid of the old Georgia Dome.
Dirty South Soccer let us in on what we all knew. Could a Leandro Gonzalez Pirez slide tackle cause a building demolition? Ask the forwards of any team who went up against ATLUTD this season and you might hear confirmation.
A year ago if the Georgia Dome had been imploded, no one would’ve been making soccer jokes and yet people still say this isn’t a soccer country. Y’all crazy.
Breaking: Leandro Gonzalez Pirez slide tackles the Georgia Dome. https://t.co/Xlx1WNEpWi— Dirty South Soccer (@DirtySouthSoc) November 20, 2017
Weather Channel guy hits the crossbar
Anyone who has ever played soccer knows the feeling. Whether it’s a header or a kick, the ball is heading on frame and it gets past the 'keeper. Just as you’re about to celebrate with your friends, you hear PANNNNNGGGG.
You think to yourself, “when they started using steel nets in goal?” Immediately you realize it hit the crossbar at the last second and you should probably stop running around and put your shirt back on.
That's how James Crugnale felt. He's the Weather Channel guy who set up the camera to catch the perfect view of the Georgia Dome implosion, only for a MARTA bus to finally make an on time arrival. Check it out for yourself.
Wait! You’re both each other's dads?
Justen Glad and Danny Acosta clearly have a great relationship on and off the field. Nothing proves it more than their use of Twitter as if it were a private text conversation. Guys! We can all see these!
They even clue us in on their cute nicknames for each other, ‘son.' But here’s the deal, they both call each other their son. How did this start? Did they both lose the same bet? Did they flip a coin and it landed on it’s edge?
Follow them so you can keep tabs on their sometimes strange bromance and let me know in the comments if you can figure out how this started or what it means.
Happy birthday my little son @dannyacosta117 😌 been an honor to watch you grow up :’)— Justen Glad (@justen_glad) November 17, 2017
Thank you my son appreciate it!!! https://t.co/EArFQr6YpO— danny acosta (@dannyacosta117) November 17, 2017
RSL like nah
Speaking of RSL, their official twitter account is keeping their eyes to the Tweets.
The Colorado Rapids recently posted a picture of their stadium with “Best place in MLS” as the caption. Harmless enough, right? But RSL was out there knowing something needed to be said. How, in 2017, do you let someone know that their statement was false? Hit them with the most 2017 hashtag.
I respect the instinct to rep your team and the slight pettiness it takes to respond this way. This is a 👏👏👏👏👏/5 on the Official Clap-Back Scale™️ mainly because it left no room for a response and it wasn’t RSL claiming they are the "best place in MLS." They were just knocking the Rapids down a peg.
Always appreciated. You got got.
Best place in MLS. pic.twitter.com/ssiOBv9dCI— Colorado Rapids (@ColoradoRapids) November 16, 2017
What did you see this week that made you laugh? What did I miss? Hit me with it in the comments or tweet at me @SoccerCooligans with #FunniestMLS and we’ll include the best ones next week.
Alexis Guerreros is a stand-up comedian based in New York City and a co-host of The Cooligans. He also supports New York City FC.