An MLS Cup final featuring Jaime Moreno would be an entertaining one.
Tony Quinn/MLS/

The Clean Sheet: A playoff picture

including Kasey Keller and Cletus. Fitz-Gerald is sacked immediately, as despite being the league PR director for the past several years, he is unable to properly communicate to the public that G8 is not a new drug, but rather the name that Paul Gascoigne now goes by (seriously). Unlucky, Trey.

Sun., November 14:

Another packed house at the HDC sends every journalist covering their first match there scrambling for a dictionary to find out what the word "burm" means.

One hour before kickoff, Jorge Vergara calls a press conference to say he loves the MLS Cup Final every year because he gets to enjoy a game at the HDC and doesn't have to watch the Galaxy play while doing it. Philadelphia Eagles wide-out Terrell Owens is seen at the press conference taking notes on how to talk trash effectively.

The game is the wide-open affair that we all hope it is, with San Jose on song with its flowing and attacking football. Landon is running all over the place and showing Freddy how he should do it when he is all growns up and all growns up.

On the other side, Jaime Moreno is once again out-maneuvering both the opposing defense and Father Time, creating chance after chance for Esky, Freddy, Gomez, Earnie and friends.

On a side note, goalkeepers Pat Onstad and Nicky Rimando are feeling like a pizza and a can of soup after a Man United-Arsenal match.

In the end, there are more goals than saves, Alexi hoists the A-Roth Trophy, everyone remembers why no new MLS team should play in anything but a conducive venue, and I miss it all while filing yet another restraining order against that pesky but persistent Angelina Jolie.

That's exactly how it's gonna go down. Yeah, right, and the Red Sox are finally gonna win a World Series one day ...

The Clean Sheet runs each Thursday on MLSnet. Views and opinions expressed in this column views and opinions are the author's, and not necessarily those of Major League Soccer or Send any questions and comments to

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