Okay, Chukwudi. Who's the funniest guy on Chivas USA?
Probably Maykel Galindo. The way he says certain things is pretty funny.
Who's the funniest guy not on Chivas USA?
I'm not sure if anyone knows him, but probably my boy Kevin Burns from the Columbus Crew. I went to college with him. He's got that Dennis-the-Menace look. He's just awkward-funny.
What percent of the Chivas USA roster do you think you could beat in ping-pong?
I'd say fifty percent. There's probably twenty-five percent of the guys that have never played or don't know how to play, and another twenty-five percent that I'll give myself the benefit of the doubt over.
Who are you sure you could beat?
I bet I could beat Sueño [Jorge Flores].
Who do you think you'd lose to?
Atiba Harris. I know ping-pong is pretty big in the Caribbean along with cricket. Probably Shavar [Thomas] could beat me too.
How many languages do you speak?
I speak English. I don't speak Spanish fluently, but I understand it. I understand my native language, which is Igbo, but I don't speak it. I speak Brokan [Nigerian Pidgin], which is basically broken English. By the time I die, I want to learn French, Italian, Portuguese, and German. If I can get those down, then I want to move on to Japanese. I'm actually really fascinated with languages.
What's the most interesting place you've been in the world?
I'll say Sweden, because when I was over there, everything was frozen. The beach was frozen and the water was frozen, but everyone was still there as if it were summertime. I'm used to seeing people at the beach with their shirts off, but everyone was bundled up and running around on the frozen ocean. It was weird.
Who would play you in the Hollywood version of your life?
I need somebody with a little swagger. I'll say Lil Wayne. He seems like a cool dude. He's got swagger.
What other sports do you play beside soccer?
I actually had some scholarship offers to play football in college. That probably explains why I'm so stocky. Soccer was my passion, though, so I stayed with it.
What sport are you worst at?
I'm not horrible at any sport, but I'm not very good at tennis.
Who's the toughest player in MLS to play against?
To be honest, I don't think I've played enough games yet to give a fair answer. But I guess for right now, I'll say Jimmy Conrad.
What's the ugliest soccer uniform you've ever seen or worn?
The Angolan shorts at the 2006 World Cup were way too small. They reminded me of John Stockton and Jeff Hornacek from back in the day with the Utah Jazz. Those shorts were really terrible.
What would be the title of your autobiography?
"Don't Judge a Book by its Cover." It's pretty cliché, but I think that's symbolic of my life and everything I've done. I don't look like a typical soccer player, but I think that gives me an advantage. I like when people underestimate me and think I'm too short or too stocky, that I'm not quick or fast. And hopefully when they realize that I am, it's too late.
Who's the most famous person in your cell phone?
Probably Maurice Edu. We're really close. He plays for a big club now [Glasgow Rangers] and is on his way to stardom.
Okay, lastly, here's your quiz for the day. How many goals did Chivas USA midfielder Sasha Victorine score during his time with the Los Angeles Galaxy?
In four years? Let's say twenty-four.
Close. The answer is seventeen. Thanks for playing!
