NYC stand-up comedian and The Cooligans co-host Alexis Guerreros brings you the things on the North American soccer scene that most entertained him over the last week:
Vancouver goes a long way for a great joke
Look, I’m not saying that if you want to get on this list that you need to get animators, writers, editors, and a director involved. I’m also not saying you shouldn’t.
Vancouver is out here trying to prove they’re the Canada Hollywood and have produced an amazing video.
I was left with the Lebron-in-the-barber-chair-fist-to-mouth “WOOOO” face. This is not only great, but all the replies are amazing. Well done Vancouver! 💯/💯 Direct hit on the Official Savage Meter™️
Who you gonna call?
Vancouver is putting in quite the effort.
It works: Seattle wears green like Slimer here, although wasn’t Slimer their friend?
I can’t recall, but I do know that in Cascadia there are no friends. While harmless, it is nice to see these teams taking shots at one another even in the midst of pivotal playoff matches.
Banter is the third tiebreaker!
Unsolicited tifo updates
Sounders fans are known for some beautiful tifo displays such as their recent stained glass theme.
But Vancouver fans understand how important the banter tiebreaker is, so they suggested an addition to this tifo which includes Nicolas Lodeiro going down in a headlock with the caption “submission.” (It was a headlock that got Vancouver's Aly Ghazal fined.)
This registers as a direct hit on the Official Savage Meter™️💯/💯
Black and yellow, all black and yellow
Emotions were running high at MAPFRE Stadium when Columbus Crew SC took the field against NYCFC in an Eastern Conference Semifinal first leg on Tuesday.
I was expecting tifos, etc in support of the Columbus club, but not exactly this:
Maybe this guy is their good luck charm? They should fly him out to NYC for the second leg of their playoff series on Sunday (5 pm ET on ESPN and ESPN Deportes in USA; TSN and TVAS in Canada), although at 4-1 he may not be needed.
(Yes, I am a NYCFC fan)
NYCFC is tricky
I can’t do that water bottle flip thing. I also only tried once and when it didn’t work I drank the rest of the water and recycled the bottle out of spite.
Here’s Ben Sweat, NYCFC defender, making me extremely jealous by adding all types of tricks and doodads to the bottle flip. Show off!
Also, the white tablecloth makes me think this might be a nice place, but what's with the mustard bottle? What are you eating that you asked for mustard? Come on Ben!
I think Jozy’s eyes are following me
Yes, there’s quite a bit to see in this throwback pic, primarily David Beckham, Jimmy Conrad, a non-mustachioed Sacha Kljestan, etc.
Eventually, you’ll see a young Jozy Altidore, or should I say, eventually he’ll see you. In fact, he’ll stare directly into your soul and you may blurt out secrets you’ve never told anyone. They may not even be real secrets, but you’ll feel like you owe him something.
Atlanta might get a banner
Atlanta United recently released a tweet congratulating their fans for a record-shattering season during which they set new attendance marks. While they didn’t get to move on in the postseason, this was easily one of the most successful seasons ever by any expansion team in pro sports.
But Don, a D.C. United fan, wasn't about to let them have their moment in the sun:
What makes this so savage: You can picture Don taking a sip of his coffee right before he calmly submits this tweet. It’s like he had this picture of the WNBA banner saved and ready to go before the season ended. This is an obvious 👏👏👏👏👏/5 on the Official Clap-Back Scale™️ and I’m not sure there's room for a rebuttal…
Pass these candies out, Trey!
Could this be the best costume ever? Who’s going to tell me no?
My favorite off-the-field moment in MLS history is commemorated with a perfect Halloween costume by Kyle Burkholder:
The only thing missing is Kyle lugging around a broken printer or a maybe a small child with the nametag “Trey” handing out copies of the picture. I salute you, Mr. Burkholder… this is AMAZING.
The mullet is gone!
Let's be honest, Aaron Long’s mullet wasn’t the only mullet in NJ, not by a long shot.
It was, however, the most visible mullet since it was on TV once a week. And with the New York Red Bulls on primetime national television during the playoffs, this was no longer just a regional embarrassment.
Who better to help him get rid of the mudflap on the back of his head than his backline partner and ultra-manicured Damien Perinelle?
The Frenchman doesn’t disappoint either, taking his teammate to a chic French salon, where Aaron admitted he previously got his haircut in a hotel room by someone with whom he couldn’t communicate since they didn’t speak the same language.
Yeah, man! That’s exactly how you end up a mullet. That barber must’ve been like “Even if he’s mad at me, I’ll have no idea. He should know what he got into anyway. He’s letting me cut his hair and I’m a stranger in a hotel room.”
This new barber must be good because look at what he did for Damien:
What other fun stuff did you see this week? What did I miss? Hit me with it in the comments or tweet at me @SoccerCooligans with #FunniestMLS and we’ll include the best ones next week.
Alexis Guerreros is a stand-up comedian based in New York City and a co-host of The Cooligans. He also supports New York City FC.
