View from the Cheap Seats: All I want

Troy Dayak, defender, San Jose Earthquakes

... a little respect. Jeesh! How many championships do I have to win around here?" -- Jeff Agoos, defender, MetroStars

... a map of the United States. Where is this Salty Lake, mon?" -- Andy Williams, midfielder, ReAL Salt Lake

... a hug." -- Tim Hankinson, former coach, Colorado Rapids

... a refund." -- Steve Howey, defender, New England Revolution

... a trade." -- Dynamo the Dragon, mascot, K.C. Wizards

... a coach who doesn't punish me for being the best player on the planet." -- Clint Mathis, third seat from the left, Hannover bench

... Steve Austin's ankles and hamstrings." -- Claudio Reyna, midfielder, Manchester City

... my own show. That Stone guy is really holding me back." -- Eric Wynalda, broadcaster, ESPN

... an assignment at the Lumberjack Games." -- Rob Stone, broadcaster, ESPN

... Ronaldinho and Andrei Shevchenko and ..." -- Dave Sarachan, coach, Chicago Fire

... uno hamburger ... no, uno cheeseburger. Yo quiero uno hot dog. Yo quiero uno milkshake." -- Spalding Smails, forward, Chivas USA

... Mauricio Cienfuegos." -- Carlos Ruiz, forward, L.A. Galaxy

... Styrofoam posts." -- Adin Brown, goalkeeper, New England Revolution

... Greg Lalas's job." -- Jimmy Conrad, defender, K.C. Wizards

... Tackle him! Do him! Huh ... what? Christmas? Oh. All I want is joy to the world and peace on earth. Thank you very much." -- Dema Kovalenko, midfielder, D.C. United

... 12 Waldos waldoing, 11 Salt Lakes a-salting, 10 Landons a-landing, 9 Freddys a-Duing, 8 maids a-milking, 7 Lamars a-hunting, 6 Friscos a-building, 5 Golden Goals, 4 Uncle Phils, 3 French babes, 2 'keeper's gloves, and a Chivas in a pear tree." -- Don Garber, commissioner, MLS

... um, players?" -- Dominic Kinnear, coach, San Jose Earthquakes

... um, players?" -- Bruce Arena, coach, U.S. national team

... um, a U.S. passport." -- Ronnie O'Brien, midfielder, Dallas Burn

... a soda. Grape or orange. None of that stinkin' root beer!" -- Jeff Hanson, forward, Charlestown Chiefs

... a five-game season plus playoffs." -- Steve Nicol, coach, New England Revolution

... one player from Holland. Just one! I'll make sure he played in Spain for a few years. Por favor, Senor Vergara? -- Thomas Rongen, coach, Chivas USA

... nothing." -- Peter Nowak, coach, D.C. United

... a brain." -- The Scarecrow, defender, K.C. Wizards

... season tickets to the Chicago Fire." -- Tino Palace, columnist,

... MC Connolly, American Idol winner." -- Marc Connolly, columnist,

... two tickets to Motley Crue at the Forum in L.A. on March 23, Keira Knightley's e-mail address, the return of Red Wings hockey, a 'Boggle' travel edition, a regular rebroadcast of the 3-3 D.C.-Revs playoff match on FSW, an Infectious Grooves reunion, a Scott Budnick sighting, Rubik's Cube redux, classic Patrick cleats with the gold trim, a red 1973 Corvette Stingray with T-tops, Beckham in MetroStars stripes, Josh Wolff in Earthquakes blue, endless supply of York Peppermint Patties, a US national team roster that doesn't include John Wolyniec and Rusty Pierce, a Teddy Chronopolous comeback, a Slush Puppy machine, an adidas Azteca ball, and, of course, ChivaGirls for everyone!" -- Greg Lalas, columnist,

Greg Lalas played for the Tampa Bay Mutiny and the New England Revolution in 1996 and 1997. Send e-mail to Greg at Views and opinions expressed in this column are the author's, and not necessarily those of Major League Soccer or it's clubs.