One wonders how much Colin Clarke knows about W.C. Fields.
Fields, the late, great comic film actor and icon for bad living, was also a noted Philadelphia-phobe, which made so amusing his reported choice of epitaphs: "All in all, I'd rather be in Philadelphia."
Not that FC Dallas manager Clarke has anything against Columbus, Ohio. But if you were the skipper of the team that has been atop MLS' Western Conference standings most of the season, wouldn't you have been hoping and praying that you could spend your league-wide respite from a long season in Columbus, over anywhere else on earth, coaching an All-Star team in what for MLS is a nothing-to-gain game? And wouldn't you most like to do it beginning All-Star week coming off the two most difficult losses of your team's season?
For the record, those are your humble correspondent's thoughts, not Clarke's. But what has he to gain? If his MLS All-Stars, already injury-depleted, beat English Premier League side Fulham, well, it was probably because Fulham didn't take seriously what's little more than a preseason exhibition. And if the All-Stars lose, well, it just proves even the best of MLS couldn't measure up, doesn't it?
Fortunately, those are not representative of Colin Clarke's feelings as he prepares to lead the All-Stars, which include six of his own FC Dallas players, Saturday.
For the record, again, Clarke's thoughts are these: "It's a nice honor," he mused after a recent training session, "but mostly because it means the team's done well. That's the only reason I'm there. It means the team's been in first place, and it's the first time this franchise has had that honor, so sure I'm looking forward to it."
It might have been an easier assignment for Clarke in another year, a year in which he might have been at the helm for the Western Conference against the East. That might have been easier because there would have been no pressure to win, if there's any pressure now. But All-Star games are traditionally exhibitions. Free substitution, plenty of goals, lots of yuks.
Not that this game will be life and death. No league standing points are at stake. But this is a group of all stars playing against a real team. It's a team that includes two U.S. internationals, Carlos Bocanegra and Brian McBride, who are MLS alums. McBride is even coming back to the city he called home for nine years. It's a team honing its edge for the start of the Premiership season. It will not, in short, be a team out for just the chuckles.
FC Dallas captain and first-time All-Star Simo Valakari played in the Premiership and he thinks he knows what's coming.
"It's my first All-Star Game, I know," says the flying Finn, "but I think those guys are going to make it a little more serious than most All-Star Games. They're playing for their places in the team. They're getting ready for their season. I think it adds a little spice to things."
Dallas goalkeeper Scott Garlick, selected to his second All-Star team, agrees.
"It's a little bit of a double-edged sword," he says. "If we win, they didn't have their whole team or any real motivation. If we lose, our league stinks. But I think it'll be a little different. Not that there was never any of that in the East-West format, now. When it's all guys from your league, you still want to rock and roll and when you're in there. You still don't want to give up a goal. This isn't the playoffs, but yeah, I think playing a side like Fulham makes it interesting."
If you're Colin Clarke, and you're playing a British side, you darn sure want to win. Just knowing Clarke's competitiveness, Fulham are probably better off he's coaching instead of playing. But that doesn't mean he'll get completely away from some traditional All-Star coaching decisions.
"The boys who are there have the earned the right, so you want to make sure they all play," he says, noting the substitution rules will be more liberal than the usual three. "But will we try to win? Yeah, we'll try to win."
There is one thing about the All-Star Game that counts as especially important to Clarke, though, and that's the chance for recognition for his staff. And not just the assistant coaches, all of whom will be on hand.
"It's nice for fellas like (trainer) Josh (Watts) and (equipment manager) Marcus (Owens). They don't get as many chances to get involved in something like this. They've done a great job for us and they deserve it."
To someone with a background in Europe, an All-Star game is a puzzle. They don't have them in La Liga or Serie A or the EPL. Us heathen Yanks, we tend to like 'em.
And Colin Clarke knows this: as long as you're playing, you may as well try to win.
Brad Sham is in his eighth season doing play-by-play for FC Dallas television broadcasts. Views and opinions expressed in this column views and opinions are the author's, and not necessarily those of Major League Soccer or MLSnet.com.
