The Clean Sheet: A cover story

after all nine other MLS teams dropped out of the league.

FOR RECREATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY:

I know a guy, who knows a guy, who knows a guy ... so every week TCS is gonna put a little action on the action, if you know what I'm talkin' about. Each week in this space we'll track how last week went and what's on the books, so to speak, for the upcoming week.

LAST WEEK: We come out even after the Los Angeles 361's couldn't beat the Fire but the Quakes did indeed knock off the Burn.
CURRENT BANK: -150
THIS WEEK: I like the home sides this weekend, so we'll go 100 on the Quakes over Mile High Club and 50 each on our Burn to taste Brimstone glory and on New Eng-er-land to find a way past Alecko's Army.

GRAB A COLD BUD (OR AQUAFINA) AND PUT YER FEET UP:

WHAT I'LL BE WATCHING:
Saturday - ADUNITED at REVS (4 p.m. ET on The Deuce): There are eight games left and at some point the Revs are gonna find a way to turn their solid play into goals. In other words, this one's a biggie.

Saturday - FIRE at BURN (8:30 p.m. ET on Fox Sports World): The last Brimstone tie at the Cotton Bowl is a battle of last-place teams. The difference between the two teams? Chicago is a last-place team, while my Burn just happen to be in last place right now. By the way, congrats to the Fire for beating a team (in extra time) Wednesday night that has won six of 27 games in the A-League.

FLICK-ONS:

It's a good news-bad news week for Jeff Bradley. He finally got his long-wanted team in orange. Unfortunately the team is the new Charlotte Bobcats, which play in the NBA, and not so much in Major League Soccer.

Why aren't there more guys in MLS like Colorado's Mark Chung and Chicago's Andy Williams? Can anyone in the league pick a ball out of the air and crack a volley like these two midfielders? Take Chung's bomb that led to Jordan Cila's goal last week or Williams' blast a couple weeks back against the Quakes. I love their audacity to even have a go, and wish more players would (and could) follow.

Full disclosure: I just finished watching "13 Going On 30" with Jennifer Garner. Even she couldn't save that dreck.

I've tried everything to pump up my beloved Burn. I pulled for them every week and that didn't help. Last week I tried the old Vulcan Mind Trick and blatantly told them to lay an egg ... which they in fact did. My bad. Any chance MLS can go to a single table, uh, now -- and have the top eight teams qualify?

For those who write in to ask why I never talk about women's soccer, I will now come close with an entire item about that famous Olympian with the last name of Hamm. Sorry Paul, I'm in the camp that says you should've just handed your gold medal to the other guy. You did absolutely nothing wrong, but when you go to sleep at night, you know you weren't the best. Hand it to the other guy, and you instantly become the spokesman for sportsmanship and a hero for reasons much bigger than flips and stuck landings.

Oh my god, I just wrote about gymnastics -- and it wasn't even to say the Chicago Fire are about as adept at scoring as an Olympic gymnastics judge. Someone please yank this column off the net. Now.

TCS has learned England superstar Wayne Rooney this week said he would come to The States and play in MLS -- as long as the team was located in Nevada.The Clean Sheet runs each Thursday on MLSnet.com. Views and opinions expressed in this column views and opinions are the author's, and not necessarily those of Major League Soccer or its clubs. Send any questions and comments to tcsresponses@yahoo.com