Come Jan. 1, Juan Agudelo will be the newest forward at Stoke City, and the latest American signed in the hard-fought battle to win the Great Americans Arms Race.
The club announced on Friday they had reached agreement for a free transfer signing at the end of Agudelo's current contract with the New England Revolution. Which brings us back on to the real business at hand regarding Agudelo and his move to Stoke City.
First and foremost, they should no longer be referred to as "Stoke City" by anyone from America, just as Fulham became Fulhamerica in the mid- to late 2000s by having three American players on their roster. Stoke City shall, instead, be called something with much more American bravado and cheesiness to it.
To help decide what this will be, vote in the poll located above right.
Fulhamerica slowly died out, one by one, and has become simply Fulham again, a club whose future probably lies in the English Championship after this upcoming season. That's what happens when you break up a good, American thing, Fulham. Silly. Don't tread.
Let that be a lesson to you, Stokin' USA.