Don't look now, but Stoke City are trying to become this decade's "Fulhamerica." In 2012-13 alone, they signed US national teamers Maurice Edu, Geoff Cameron and Brek Shea.
That was enough of a statement of intent to start the first Great American Arms Race of the second decade of the 21st century. But that was before Herculez Gomez thwarted their plans and Club Tijuana in Mexico became the ultimate outpost for American soccer players this June.
Then came the latest news Tuesday morning, as Juan Agudelo reportedly pushed The Potters one man clear come the end of the year. Trust us when we say there was absolute outrage and pandemonium on the streets of the Baja California Peninsula.
Basically, Juan "Swagudelo" Agudelo has reportedly signed a pre-contract agreement to join the English Premier League club in January. For those keeping stats at home, that would make two mop-topped teenage heartthrobs at the club, a comparatively normal Bostonian-turned-Texan and this crazy cat.
As far as Americans abroad go, that's a pretty diverse cast of characters. Our only advice for young Juan when/if at Stoke: When Brek Shea says to you, "Hey, Juan, want in on a harmless practical joke?," think twice before agreeing to anything.
Naturally, Stoke City are going to need a clever nickname that somehow works either "America," "Yanks," or "Stars and Stripes" into it. For instance, "Stokeamerica," if you want to be super lame like me and lazily rip off Fulhamerica. So do better than that.