UPDATED: Chris Pontius, weatherman! (Need we say more?)

As soon as we heard that D.C. United's Chris Pontius was going to do the weather report on FOX5 in Washington -- tune in at 8:15 am to find out if it's going to rain or shine on United's home opener vs. Real Salt Lake on Saturday -- we culdn't help but recall the words of the immortal Dave Spritz:

"I remember once imagining what my life would be like, what I'd be like. I pictured having all these qualities, strong positive qualities that people could pick up on from across the room. But as time passed, few ever became any qualities that I actually had. And all the possibilities I faced and the sorts of people I could be, all of them got reduced every year to fewer and fewer. Until finally they got reduced to one, to who I am. And that's who I am, the weatherman."

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