everything from where to get the best slice of pizza (a hole in the wall called My Brother's Place near Fenway Park) to where to get a fake ID (that you'll have to figure out yourself).
I even grew up a Celtics fan, as with no NBA team at the time in Minnesota until the Timberwolves came along (who, by the way, only loosely fit that description these days), I followed the Celtics because University of Minnesota product Kevin McHale starred for them and they had the greatest player in the history of the NBA to this day -- Larry Joe Bird.
So the Boston part, no problem. The problem would be getting over my affection for Beantown, which is still one of my favorite cities in the country, and providing an unbiased comparison.
The other issue is that I have been to Houston all of once -- for a wedding in the dead of summer a few years back. The wedding involved a Jewish guy named Noel -- that still cracks me up. Anyway, if memory serves it was about 193 degrees, and that was at night at the rehearsal dinner. The city didn't endear itself to me that way, as the only thing I do better than eating is sweating.
But then I started to do a little more research into the city, and you know what? It has some serious highlights.
First and foremost since I live on Planet LA and have appropriate priorities, I started with the Houston-born celebs. Pretty solid. How about Jennifer Garner and Shannon Elizabeth. That alone should make it a Top Ten city.
Then you have one of the great musical talents of recent generations. No, not Beyonce. No, not Kenny Rogers. Yes, they are both from the area, but I am talking about none other than Houston's own ... Patrick Swayze.
For television fans, you have Thomas Schlamme, who is one of the minds behind one of the best (West Wing) and worst (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip) shows of all time. Fellow Trekkies, how about Data himself, Brent Spiner.
I mean, c'mon. Jen Garner, Data and Patrick Swayze? And you thought Taylor Twellman, Clint Dempsey and Pat Noonan could be an imposing trio.
There are a lot of similarities between Boston and Houston, like traffic that is more frustrating than watching D.C. United's lack of urgency last weekend.
But there are also some serious differences. In Houston, you have Southern hospitality. In Boston, you can find Southie hospitality. Believe me, you want the former. Hurts less.
The one thing I found out about Houston that I absolutely love is that despite the sunny climate, it annually wins or comes close to winning the title as the fattest city in the nation.
Apparently they know how to make some tex and some mex down there when it comes to food, although all the good restaurants are apparently in strip malls. That way, you can waddle next door to the ice cream joint, and then top it off with a half-caff-double-decaffeinated-half-caff-with-a-twist-of-lemon from Starbucks. By the way, if anyone knows what movie that coffee order is from, I will be very impressed.
Anyway, I guess I could've tracked down Roger Clemens for his thoughts, as he hurled for the Sox long before he joined the Astros, but he's probably too busy on his eight-month vacation before he decides to un-retire for the ninth time with a few months left in the season. Must be nice.
So add that all up and what do you get? I have no idea -- but it says here Houston wins the whole shooting match anyway. And that's not just because Jeff Bradley picked the Revs. OK, that's definitely part of it.
There is not much to separate these teams on paper, is there? Solid goalkeeping, great coaches and some serious snipers. Or sni-pahs, as they say in Boston. Wicked awesome sni-pahs.
But the Revs are obviously really banged up and for me, especially if Clint Dempsey and Stevie Ralston aren't fully fit, Houston just has more big-game players, which is what decides these matches. I know Christian Gomez won the MVP, but if I want one guy on the field in a big game, it's hard to pick anyone over Dwayne De Rosario.
So put my couple sheckels on the Orange, as my extensive insider footie knowledge (is Giuseppi Galderisi really starting for New England if Dempsey can't play?) and intricate analysis of the statistics (um, the Revs never score in a Cup Final, is that good?) resulted in my predicting the Houston win.
Either that or I just really, really want to see Jen Garner and Shannon Elizabeth at the victory parade.
During the season, The Clean Sheet runs each week on MLSnet. Views and opinions expressed in this column views and opinions are the author's, and not necessarily those of Major League Soccer or MLSnet.com. Send any questions and comments to tcsresponses@yahoo.com.
