has-beens, never-weres and wanna-bes -- and puts them in a house together and gets them to fight so much that they have to bring Sally Jessy Raphael in to let them air their dirty laundry. And people watch. Seriously.
While that show has elicited some pretty surreal moments over the years (anyone see Mini Me giving the greatest "relief" appearance since Rollie Fingers?), I am thoroughly convinced one of the most surreal experiences ever took place last weekend while I was in Checkettsville.
We take you to Saturday, high noon. I somehow found myself in the middle of a dusty burnt-out crop field next to an RV park in a town called Sandy, Utah. A dilapidated house over here, a beat-up fence over there. Let's put it this way: I think they found some cast members for the upcoming movie "Snakes on a Plane" there at one time.
But I was not alone. Standing not five feet away from me in this dusty field in the middle of a small town in Utah on a random August Saturday was one of the most popular athletes in the world. And the most popular team in the world. Yup, there were David Beckham, Roberto Carlos, Ruud Van Nistelrooy and the rest of Real Madrid, right there with me.
Now that, kids, is the definition of surreal.
We were all there, along with Dave Checketts, the governor of Utah, a bunch of politicians and the RSL players for the ground-breaking on the location that will be transformed into a majestic, brand-new RSL stadium that will open in a couple years.
The event was fantastic, right down to the monogrammed construction helmets and gold shovels. And while the media, fans and dignitaries in attendance didn't know the difference, your old pal Tino can let you in on the secret that the whole thing got thrown together by the RSL staff in about 12 hours.
The hand-shake agreement got done about 11:30 p.m. the night before, and by noon the RSL staff had transformed a dusty field into a top-class media event attended solid enough even to impress Los Galacticos.
The event was so great, the only thing it was missing was a marching band.
The ground-breaking event and the sold-out friendly that night was the crowning glory for Dave Checketts, who New York Knicks fans would kill to have back running the team today. He has long said his dream was to have Becks standing next to him at the ground-breaking one day.
Show off.
As for the game itself, it really was fantastic. Utahns (still love that word) said they haven't seen waves of flashbulbs like that since the Olympics, as they were coming from 45,000 fans and even the personal camera of the sideline reporter. That's great for the former, but for the latter -- well, I think Real Madrid may be back before she is.
Speaking of TV, got to catch a bit of the local broadcast, which was really strong. Play-by-play was done by a local guy named Bill Riley, who has a great Dave O'Brien-type voice. Knows his stuff.
Color guy was someone named Robin Fraser. Apparently he used to play in MLS and even called some World Cup games? Yeah, never heard of him either.
RSL put up a great fight, and had plenty of chances to score. An unlucky penalty call (could have been a dead ball at the top of the box) and a dumb red card were too much to overcome for the home side, who nevertheless sent their fans home satisfied after a spirited 2-0 loss.
Even Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes enjoyed the match. Yup, they were there in Salt Lake City, watching from David Beckham's box. How's that for surreal?
And no, little baby Suri, who I still don't believe exists, was not in attendance. Believe me, if the kid was there, I would have ran in, snapped a photo, and sprinted like Carl Lewis to the nearest computer, e-mailed it to People magazine, and collected my million dollars. I have no shame, I am a writer. And not even a good one.
So Real Salt Lake is here to stay, and they have a nice little thing going in that town. They get a boatload of media coverage and the 45,000 fans who came to the Saturday match are indicative of the good crowds they get despite the fact they haven't exactly torn through the MLS competition.
But they have a good base of young players, a coach who gets it (not to mention being one of the great guys in the league) and ownership passionately committed to making Salt Lake City an international soccer destination.
And what's even more impressive is that all the success the organization is having is in spite of the fact their GM, Steve Pastorino, is an alum of the pathetic Chicago Fire.
Also part of the weekend were two other important announcements: that RSL is partnering with Real Madrid to build a developmental training center in Salt Lake City, and that Real Madrid says it would like to come back to Utah and open the new stadium.
Surreal.
During the season, The Clean Sheet runs each week on MLSnet.com. Views and opinions expressed in this column views and opinions are the author's, and not necessarily those of Major League Soccer or MLSnet.com. Send any questions and comments to tcsresponses@yahoo.com.
