I gotta be honest; I feel pretty disbalanced these days.
Yes, I know I just stole that infamous made-up beauty from the king of word creation, Fox Soccer Channel's Christopher Sullivan, but it seems alarmingly fitting.
Your old pal Tino is off his game. We are talking dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria. We are talking Paula Abdul making perfect sense.
From last Saturday's star-studded night on Planet LA to my feelings towards something happening in Chicago to a big topic of conversation at a Hollywood shin-dig the other night, the times they are a-changing, and it is hard to keep up.
Let's start with last Saturday at The Home Depot Center, because there is no way I can't write about it. There was so much that went on that night that made me feel disbalanced that I don't know how to keep my thoughts together.
Judging by the big television ratings on The Deuce, many of you saw it, so here are five things you may not have known about the Galaxy-Chelsea match:
1) Walked to the men's room in the concourse before the game from the press box. This is a 30-second walk. In that time, I saw Kevin Garnett (star of my hometown Timberwolves ... for now), Roman Abramovich and even Allen Hopkins.
Yeah, just a typical Galaxy game. For those of you who care, Garnett had a diamond earring the size of Duluth, Minn. and Abramovich was looking casually cool and non-descript in a thin white linen-type shirt and jeans.
2) Once in the men's room, and not trying to be vulgar here, there were nine stalls all in use. Of the nine people at the stalls, six of them were wearing David Beckham jerseys. Wow. The jersey stands at the stadium only sold Becks jerseys on the night. That needs to change, and I'm sure it will.
3) With all due respect to everyone who has ever attended a Galaxy match before last Saturday, the crowd for the Galaxy match was noticeably better looking. Present company excluded of course. If that is the kind of talent Becks is going to attract to this league, that is perfectly fine with me. Then again, up in the press box, the hacks don't look any better.
4) In case you missed it, Beckham tying his shoe late in the second half drew the loudest cheers I have ever heard in that stadium. Seriously.
5) There is a Los Angeles Times columnist called Bill Plaschke. He hammered the whole Beckham thing on the front page of the paper a few days before the Chelsea match. The next day after the game, which he attended, he wrote a column again. This time, Becks had cast his spell on the writer, who sung a different tune. I have the feeling there is going to be a lot of that.
My next disbalancing act comes from Chicago. A day after the Galaxy-Chelsea match, the cheating Fire played Celtic to a 1-1 draw in Bridgeview. No Neck Blanco started, and of course just to rub it in, NNB scored.
Five things you may not have known about the Fire-Celtic match:
1) Here's my problem with NNB: I know I love to hate the guy, but I kind of want him to do well. There, I said it. Maybe it is so I can hate him more. At least that's what I am telling myself.
When he scored his goal, which was thanks to the entire Celtic back line stopping to call for offside and then the goalkeeper flopping over the six-yard box, I was strangely satisfied in places I don't want to talk about.
I think it's because this league needs villains. Superman needed Lex Luthor to be more beloved by comparison, every baseball team needs the Yankees and Hulk Hogan needed the Iron Sheik. The Hoops and Becks need the Fire and NNB.
OK, that makes me feel a little better, but I need to keep an eye on that, it is incredibly troubling.
2) Hey, speaking of NNB - great pub bet for you: Who will get the first MLS red card, Becks or Blanco? Discuss ...
3) Wait, no way I am wasting three more points about the Fire. Enough already.
OK, last bit of disbalancement (love the different versions of the word) came at a swanky Hollywood party the other night.
Somehow I end up chatting with one of the Queen's favorite actors, a guy called Michael Vartan. If you don't know him, he was Jennifer Garner's love interest in Alias and Drew Barrymore's leading man in the movie "Never Been Kissed."
Before I look for a reason to duck out, as I tend to do with actors, it dawns on me that he was on the list of celebs to play last weekend in a charity match out here featuring Hollywood United, a club team that features everyone from former Wimbledon hard man-turned-actor Vinnie Jones to MLS alums like Eric Wynalda and Alexi Lalas.
A half-hour later we are still talking footie. This is some week.
So I give you five things you may not have known about Michael Vartan. Yes, I know the Queen might be the only person in the world who cares, but if I do this list maybe I don't need to get her an anniversary present.
1) He was born in France and was once pursued by Paris Saint-Germain as a goalkeeper.
2) He is ticked off at U.S. Soccer for sending a second-choice team to Copa America.
3) Says his DirecTV lives between channels 613-615. That would be Fox Soccer Channel, GolTV and Setanta Sports.
4) Showed up for the charity match in surf shorts and sneakers thinking it was a casual celebrity get together. When he saw Wynalda, Lalas and former French captain Frank LeBoeuf in full kit, he knew this was something a little more serious.
5) Thinks the MLS standard has gotten a lot better over the years, but has never been to a match. He is the kind of fan MLS must convert. I know the Queen would be happy to escort him ... assuming she can get out of that nagging restraining order.
So, there you have it. All that, and now you got SuperLiga in gear, including this weekend's massive Galaxy-Chivas tilt at the Los Angeles Coliseum.
At some point things are going to settle down. Aren't they?
Or maybe not, and I just will have to learn to live with all this disbalancitation.
During the season, The Clean Sheet runs each week on MLSnet. Views and opinions expressed in this column views and opinions are the author's, and not necessarily those of Major League Soccer or MLSnet.com. Send any questions and comments to tcsresponses@yahoo.com
