Smorgasborg
They don't happen that often, but when they do we're often at a loss for words.
What are we supposed to call goals scored off of corner kicks?
In Spanish they have "gol olimpico" to describe it and depending on whom you speak to, English speakers use a variation of that "olympic" reference.
But it's never uniform and it's all over the place. Until now. The poll in this blog post will be the final arbiter.
We're seeing lots of this lately:
"I think we were the better team, we had more chances, but they did well holding on for the win.” -- FC Dallas' Brek Shea after his team's 1-0 loss to Vancouver on Saturday.
"We didn’t give up many chances. We played well but came up short even though I thought we created more chances. Sometimes, that’s the way it happens, but we kept pressing it. All in all, I was happy with the performance.” -- Sporting Kansas City manager Peter Vermes after his team's 1-0 loss to Portland on Saturday.
“If you look at the game and the number of chances we played, and potential opportunities, possible ... questionable calls that could have led to different results ... We did quite a bit tonight and could have been rewarded a bit more for what we did.” -- Chivas USA manager Robin Fraser after his team's 1-0 loss to the Philadelphia Union on Saturday.
"We should have won the game on the scoreboard. When you create so many chances and play so well, it's just so frustrating. But you have to take a positive from this game. We were by far the better team ... We did everything possible to win the game." -- Colorado Rapids defender Drew Moor after his team's 2-1 loss to the LA Galaxy on Saturday.
“I’m disappointed with the result. We had a couple more chances and could’ve won this game, but we just got a point.” -- Columbus Crew manager Robert Warzycha after a 2-2 draw against Houston on Saturday.
That's five MLS teams who feel they didn't deserve the verdict adjudged by the field. All on the same DAY.
You get the picture here. Barcelona fans get it loud and clear these days.
But don't blame the coaches, who see the payoffs that result from betting on defensive "anti-soccer" tactics. Blame the format of competition.
Fans don't want to see teams bunker in? Create a competition format that draws them out. Reward goals scored handsomely. Lavish the team that scores more of them with a bountiful bonus package. The greater the goal differential in your match? The more points you take away in league play.
But fans and soccer officials around the world would rather huff and puff about goal-line technology, which would only have a marginal effect on the game.
There is a much more meaningful discussion that could be taking place. That it's not is perhaps the most revealing sign that soccer fans actually enjoy the status quo but are too hypocritical to admit it.
That's because the status quo allows for cinderella stories. It creates "villains" and even allows them to win now and then. If the good guy won every time, that'd be a lot less compelling, wouldn't it?
One final consideration before we close the book for good on the Colin Clark-ball boy incident: Isn't it time soccer gets rid of ball boys once and for all?
Take a moment to let this sink in: Soccer is the only sport that depends on little kids to fulfill a critical function IN THE RUN OF PLAY. Professional soccer allows little kids to take active participation in a game WHILE THE CLOCK IS RUNNING!
In a game in which every second counts and a quick re-start can decide a match, it's time for pro soccer leagues to go the NFL rout and swap out their ball kids for adult ball persons. And even pay them a gameday fee. Forget using these ball person positions as a promotional tool. Get someone who can do the job and have them come back for every game if they're competent.
I've seen kids wiping the floor at basketball games, but they do it during clock stoppages. Baseball's bat boy is only seen when play is dead and there's no urgency. Tennis ball kids are never performing their duties during an actual exchange that matters. In these sports there is zero pressure on the kids taking part.
It just doesn't make sense any more in soccer. And not only because most ball kids don't do their job well to begin with and often times don't even know the game (Admit it. We've all made this comment at one point or another). The issue is that they're interacting with adult players during the heat of competition. It doesn't happen in other sports.
Why subject a kid to the pressure of getting yelled at by a goalkeeper who wants to quickly take a goal kick? Why give a kid a front row seat to soccer's intense moments and some of the other colorful language that is used during matches?
No, there's no excuse for what Clark said and he's paying the price. But would he have made the same comment had he been dealing with an adult who was working the game?
If we really care about these kids, soccer shouldn't put them in the line of fire to begin with. When it comes to the pro game, the field should be rated Adults Only.
There’s a Jeremy Lin waiting to erupt in every league.
So we dug up the MLS names that have the identical combination of traits that have made Lin’s story transcend nationwide: a rise from relative obscurity, an unconventional path to stardom, far from dominant physical traits and the ability to impact his team in a significant way.
We narrowed down a list of 10 names that have the potential of replicating #LinSanity in 2012:
LA’s Jack McBean, FC Dallas striker Jonathan Top, the Crew’s Aaron Horton and RSL’s Sebastian Velasquez likely won’t get enough of a shot this season;
Columbus’ Ben Speas, Chivas USA’s Casey Townsend and Philly’s Chandler Hoffman come from collegiate soccer powers and don’t make the cut;
Chicago’s Orr Barouch and Portland’s Bright Dike are both doted with the athletic attributes of potential difference makers. It wouldn't be fair to name them.
Which leaves our favorite candidate: Lin’s fellow Harvard grad Mike Fucito.
He was never looked at by the US national team in his younger days, he went to a school that’s not a traditional soccer heavyweight and his 5-9 frame makes him a long shot to be a force at forward in a league where athleticism rules.
The Massachusetts native made just 13 starts and scored two league goals for Seattle in 2011, so he still has a ways to go. Similarly, Lin came off the bench in 29 games for Golden State in the last NBA season, averaging 2.6 points per game.
Fucito may have the slight headstart with the beginnings of a cult following in Seattle. But he's no regular just yet and he has the chance to take ownership of the forward spot permanently if he can stay injury-free this year.
And if the goals can follow, #LinSanity may have to make way for a dusting-off of #LikeMike.
Pick up the phone, David Beckham. It’s time to call in a favor.
LA Galaxy manager Bruce Arena was a big part of helping Beckham finally settle down in MLS after a rocky start. Now it’s time for Beckham to use his direct line with the English FA to nominate Arena as a candidate for the vacant national team post of the Three Lions.
There’s a strong argument to be made that Arena would leap to the top of the list if he ever got on it. Here’s how he matches up with the rumored finalists:
Arena has more World Cup experience than Harry Redknapp and a lot less baggage. Aside from his recent spell at Tottenham, Redknapp's resumé doesn't blow anyone away.
Arena has plenty more international experience, including management of star players, than second-division coach Sam Allardyce.
And let’s not flatter Stuart Pierce with a comparison to The Bruce.
Which leaves Guus Hiddink as the only real competition, although the Dutchman doesn't have Beckham's influence on his side like Arena does. Hiddink is the classic coaching mercenary -- the new Bora Milutinovic -- and his record says he's good for a short-term run, but don't expect him to leave a legacy. Not when the next big payday is waiting.
Look, an American at the helm of England is the longest of long shots, but hasn't Beckham always said he wants to help grow the American game? Is there anyone who doubts that merely having Arena’s name in the mixer for the most important national team job in the world would leave a mark?
It just takes a phone call.
Raise your hand if you are clueless about the Roman numerals involved in this upcoming NFL Super Bowl on Sunday.
Ok, so it's "XLVI" and I've drawn a massive blank on that grade school class that I need to decipher it.
When it comes to the Super Bowl, I lost count a long time ago, which is why I think it’s inevitable that the NFL will eventually buckle and go the MMA route with how they identify their main event: Super Bowl 60, Super Bowl 61, etc.
And MLS should give some thought to making the switch as well.
In the event the regular season ever moves to a winter-spring schedule that overlaps two calendar years, attaching the actual year to "MLS Cup" will be irrelevant. Take England for example: How muddled is it to call Manchester United the 2010-2011 Premier League Champions? No, they were technically never champions in 2010.
And so why not take advantage of the fact there is a new format for MLS Cup this year with the highest remaining seed hosting the final, and rebrand the way we refer to soccer’s championship match in the USA?
The new nomenclature would also allow for multiple championship matches in the same calendar year if MLS ever opted to go to a split season (ala the apertura – clausura set-up in other leagues in South America). Ever try to follow the champions in Mexico? It’s a mess.
So "MLS Cup 17" this December! Has a decent ring to it.
Kris Boyd doesn't know it yet but he has more than just MLS defenders he'll be contending with every weekend in the USA.
Portland's new designated player already has a minimum goal target he MUST hit in 2012 to even qualify as a moderately successful signing: nine.
That's the total that would surpass Kenny Cooper's production from last year in a Timbers jersey.
And make no mistake about it: By offloading Cooper on SuperDraft day and committing the big bucks to Boyd, the Timbers absolutely need Boyd to have the better season this year.
It will be the game-within-the-game to watch throughout 2012. Who is the more productive player in MLS? Boyd may not know who New York's Cooper is yet, but you have to figure Cooper, for one, will be checking Boyd's stat line every weekend.
They are very different players -- Boyd is considered a natural scorer while Cooper enjoys playing outside the box -- but in the end both will be judged by the ultimate measure of a striker's success: balls in the back of the net (and assists). And Boyd has the edge going into it purely based on his characteristics.
If the Scotsman does not bang them in for Portland, then it would likely point to wider personnel issues for the Timbers (do the wingers provide enough service? do the central midfielders have enough ideas?).
And in that scenario, the much-maligned Cooper would come out smelling like, well, roses.
Philadelphia fans who are up in arms over the trade that sent Sebastien Le Toux to Vancouver are missing the big picture.
As if it wasn't easy enough to notice, the Union are managing their club very differently from every other side in the league. And it's the right way: building on youth.
It's not merely the obvious transfer fee opportunities that come with grooming quality young professionals. There will be handsome rewards in this department, no doubt.
But youth is the way to go in a league structured around a salary budget. The younger the player, typically the less onerous is the salary hit that accompanies him. Younger players are also more attractive trade bait when a team is ready to offload them. 
And going young gives a team maximum flexibility in a league in which roster management skills are severely put to the test. A young squad allows a coach the luxury of time to make a more informed decision on which players are worth the long-term investment.
Union fans will see this happen with the commitment the club is set to make to 20-year-old Roger Torres and 21-year-old Sheanon Williams, who manager Peter Nowak wants to reward with a better contract. Williams and Torres earned it based on performance, not based on their resumé.
Yes, a 28-year-old Le Toux will score goals and run his heart out for the Vancouver Whitecaps. But the cash received in exchange for a player entering the final year of his contract will help further Philly's youth movement.
Sure, Union management could perhaps be a little more forthcoming in specifically addressing how the move impacts current contracts or future acquisitions. But fans can have faith that there is a plan the team is sticking to.
Keeping Le Toux would have been nice. But it would likely have meant Danny Mwanga and Jack McInerney riding the bench for yet another season. Wouldn't Union fans have been just as upset at that scenario?
There's no mistake. A 54-year-old English manager at the helm of the oldest club in England's Premier League is advocating a mini-revolution for the sport: the introduction of the NFL challenge system.
Before you throw cold water on the idea, consider for a moment the proposal put forth by Stoke City's Tony Pulis: a challenge flag per half for each team with 30 seconds for the match official to check upstairs. It tacks on a mere minute per half if both coaches use their flag.
His plan allows for video replay to make its entry at the highest levels of professional soccer without proving to be a scandalous shock to the system. Most reasonable fans can stomach this.
Beware, however: MLS should not be the guinea pig, otherwise the experiment gets labeled as a gimmick. If the EPL takes the first stab, the soccer world will surely embrace it. It should happen in England before it shows up anywhere else.
"It would help the referees, it would help us, the football nation and the supporters. And it would get the decision right, which is more important than anything else," Pulis says.
He actually never makes mention of a flag in his pitch. So can soccer be original and come up with its own object to hurl at the ref?
Pulis sells it well. Watch him in this video clip.
Consensus is that the US was robbed of the 2022 World Cup. Well, here comes the next best thing. And it even comes six years earlier!
The president of the Ecuadorean soccer federation, whose brother is on the CONMEBOL executive committee, told Mexican media that the USA is a potential candidate to host the 2016 Copa América in celebration of the South American confederation's 100-year anniversary.
"We are going to have the opening so that it's not held in one of the 10 countries of South America. It could be Mexico and it could be the United States as well," said Luis Chiriboga.
Chiriboga noted that the special edition of the 2016 Copa América would feature 16 teams: 10 from South America and six from CONCACAF. Apparently there would be a qualification process to determine the six CONCACAF nations.
Four groups of four teams with Argentina, Brazil, Mexico and the USA in separate groups? Fans will flock.
If US fans thought that was big news, the Ecuadorean chief also mentioned that the US would likely get an inivitation to participate in the 2015 Copa América in Brazil.
"I have no doubt that the obstacles [in CONCACAF] are being overcome," said Chiriboga. "Mexico's invitation has never been in question. Of the two teams we invite, one is Mexico and the other could be the United States or Japan."
Imagine this schedule for the USMNT: 2014 World Cup in Brazil, 2015 Copa América in Brazil and the 2016 Copa América on US soil. Something tells me Jurgen Klinsmann is not the type to decline these kind of invites.
