Welcome to the Depth Chart, a shallow look at the hot topics currently dominating the American soccer conversation. A story's RANK indicates its size, while its BUZZ (thumbs up, or down, or both) reflects its sentiment. Scroll beneath the image for links to the articles referenced within.
This week, familiar themes populate the Depth Chart: trades, the USMNT and yet another big LA acquistion.
Looks like Kei Kamara has found a new way to scare defenders. It's a shame that the powers that be won't let him wear a gorilla suit on the field but on second thought he'd probably die of a heat stroke before halftime so perhaps it's for the best. Also, explaining to your kids why there is a dead gorilla with a man inside it on the pitch is a real bummer and puts a damper on the gameday experience.
Making Michael Harrington scream looks like fun though; can't imagine how he'd ever survive a trip to Six Flags or make it through a Saw movie without changing his shorts.
Most of us know Dwayne DeRosario as a playmaker and all-around MLS bad-man. We can now add "shake-maker" and "acquaintance of a Pussy Cat Doll" to his illustrious resume. I'm sure he's as proud of these accomplishments as he is of his 4 MLS Cup rings.
Spotted in the hallways of the Home Depot Center ahead of the Timbers' preseason match vs. the LA Galaxy today: Portland head coach John Spencer with projected No. 1 NFL Draft pick Andrew Luck.
On the surface it may seem random but this certainly wasn't thier first meeting; Luck is the son of Oliver Luck, who was president of the Houston Dynamo while Spencer was an assistant there.
Photo courtesy of @TimbersFC.
Buried deep in the latest Hot Stove piece from Jack Bell of the New York Times is word of yet another alleged midfield target for the Red Bulls. This time it's not a Scandinavian or Nordic name but one a little more mainstream but equally European: former Manchester City and Republic of Ireland attacker Stephen Ireland.
Could he be Hans Backe's third DP or is he just another name on the always-expanding list of rumored Red Bulls?
Obviously this is not what Vancouver's lineup will actually look like in 2012 but with the addition of Sebastien Le Toux Vancouver suddenly become one of the most offensively-blessed sides in MLS. And think about this for a second: there are 3 more forwards on the roster and even rumors of Robert Earnshaw coming in to add to the embarrassment of attacking riches.
And as the image above illustrates, they are lacking a little something in the defensive end of the midfield.
Maybe I should I try to get the CBC on the phone because Survivor: B.C. Place would be a great reality show. If someone's going to get cut --and there will most certainly be cuts before First Kick-- you may as well televise it. My money is on a Francophone alliance between Le Toux, Hassli and Chiumiento.
File Under: Random Reunions
Former D.C. United midfielder and tattoo enthusiast Santino Quaranta's retirement lasted about as long as his Ochocinco's soccer career. The one-time Black & Red fixture has traded-in a retirement in Baltimore for a short stint near Bollywood, signing on with Team Siliguri of the new Indian Premier League.
While the surroundings may be foreign his coach on this 2-month adventure will be quite familiar: former D.C. teammate Marco Etcheverry will skipper the team which features a pretty good centerback by the name of Fabio Cannavaro.
There's another MLS-associated name involved in the IPL: former Whitecaps head coach Teitur Thordarson. Wonder how an Icelander who coached in Canada will take to the heat of West Bengal?
Portland's inking of Scottish international Kris Boyd, a one-time finishing factory for Rangers, adds yet another name to the small, but growing, list of all-time scoring leaders now under the employ of a Major League Soccer club.
The Scotsman sticks out from the crowd though as his crown is for scoring within a domestic league; the other four names on the list hold their titles for scoring for their respective countries.
- Landon Donovan (LA Galaxy): the all-time scoring leader for the USMNT
- Thierry Henry (New York Red Bulls): France's all-time scoring leader
- Robbie Keane (LA Galaxy): the all-time scoring leader for the Republic of Ireland national team
- Dwayne DeRosario (D.C. United): Canada's all-time scoring leader
- Kris Boyd (Portland Timbers): the Scottish Premier League's all-time scoring leader
Not bad company to be in, is it?
Boyd may not have the name recognition that the others have south of Hadrian's Wall but if he can bring his penchant for finishing to Portland you can guarantee that the Timbers faithful will not only know his name but also work it into a song or two...providing they can find something that rhymes with "Boyd" other than "void", "tabloids" and "Altoids".