You've seen it. And if you haven't seen it, you've heard about it. And if you haven't heard about it then, well, you are in for a treat, my friend.
Here it is. The first known sighting of the "Dempsey Face." Drink it in in all its glory, US fans.
Photo courtesy of SB Nation
Chicago Fire striker Dominic Oduro once bet his entire salary in a race against (the, in fairness, not professional athletes that are) his front office colleagues Brendan Hannan and Jeff Crandall. That might seem foolish, until you consider that Oduro thinks he is the fastest man in MLS.
The idea that anyone not named Usain Bolt would beat him in a race probably seems absurd to him, and it turns out that his confidence, in this case, was justified.
But apparently the Ghanaian's blazing speed is not reserved solely for the field. In the commercial below, you'll see Oduro get an entire shopping cart full of groceries in the five minutes until the supermarket closes and still have time for a shirtless celebration. If that's not impressive, I don't know what is.
Now when are we going to see him actually race someone so we can definitively settle the "fastest man in MLS" question once and for all? How about it, Dane Richards?
The UEFA Champions League final will never be forgotten by Chelsea fans around the world, including in New York City.
And, courtesy of Kick TV, you'll see many of them in the video below as they react to Chelsea's PK shootout victory over Bayern Munich in Saturday's final outside of Legends, a Chelsea fan bar in New York.
We'll let the pictures speak for themselves.
You may have heard that the New York Red Bulls traded Juan Agudelo to Chivas USA for Heath Pearce on Thursday.
It's a move that raises lots of interesting questions. Are young players getting enough match experience? Is experience more valuable than potential? Which player has the better set of abs?
I can almost guarantee that, prior to reading it, that was the very last question you had about that transaction. But now that I've read the latest analysis from the Kickette blog, it's the one that's going to be in my head for the rest of the day.
Drink him in, ladies and gentlemen. The Red Bulls may have just traded a promising striker, but in return they got one of Major League Soccer's sex symbols.
Photo Courtesy of Victor Decolongon/Getty Images
Former Baylor University quarterback Robert Griffin III has been in the news a lot recently, but mostly because of his impending jump to the NFL. Yawn.
But RG3 crossed into the world of soccer last week when he tweeted out that he had just met Alex Morgan, she of US women's national team and SI Swimsuit edition fame.
Which is pretty cool, except that's totally not what happened.
— Alex Morgan (@alexmorgan13) April 19, 2012
Eventually everything got cleared up and everyone had a good laugh about it. But it just goes to show that even the most talented among us sometimes make dumb mistakes.
And probably that Tobin Heath's agent should get on the phone with Sports Illustrated right now.
Behold: The jerseys for Euro 2012 have been released. And there are many sashes.
The US men's national team made waves before the 2010 World Cup by reintroducing a sash to their jerseys in homage to the 1950 team that famously beat England. And while it's not exactly unique – teams like Trinidad and Tobago and Peru have been rocking the sash for years – it's not exactly standard fare.
So from whence come the sashes? This is undoubtedly jingoistic, biased, and self-aggrandizing, but I tend to think that the US brought the design back into vogue.
Which would also mark the first time that Europeans have ever taken fashion advice from Americans. Give yourselves a pat on the back, readers.
I, for one, feel pretty good about it. I like the sash on the US jerseys. I think they'll look good at Euro 2012. Undoubtedly, you feel differently. And... discuss!
Photo Courtesy of Getty Images
With the exception of Shaquille O'Neal – known to some as the Big Aristotle – pro athletes are not necessarily known for their smarts. Leave it to the Swedish to shatter our worldview.
A new study by Stockholm's Karolinska Institutet on the cognitive function of top-tier soccer players in Sweden reveals that they are way smarter than we are. As a matter of fact, the 29 players tested combined for an average score in the top five percent of all participants.
My immediate reaction is that these results are skewed: I assume everyone who lives in Sweden is smart, attractive and interesting. But apparently even by that lofty standard, these soccer players are at the top of the heap, because they also scored better than guys in the lower divisions.
So now the people who are in much better shape than us are also better at using their brains. Ladies and gentlemen, we are truly, desperately in trouble.
After being subbed off at halftime against the New England Revolution on Saturday, it appears superstar LA Galaxy midfielder David Beckham is no longer worthy of a full 90-minute performance. I don't know, man. Ask Bruce Arena about it.
But no matter how LA are doing on the field, one thing remains clear: Beckham is still in the conversation for "Dreamiest Man in MLS." I dare you not to get lost in those eyes.
And don't worry if you can't, because you are not alone. Apparently the poor people at Burger King can't manage it either. Or at least that's what this new commercial would have us believe.
In reality, I'm skeptical that one could remain smitten by a man who says "smoovie." But it's still a funny ad, and Beckham is still a dashingly handsome man. Seriously, just look at the guy...
There are lots of things you can take away from this video, and I'd love to hear all about them in the comments section. I trust you all will keep it classy, civil, and good-natured.
For whatever reason, though, I honestly thought the most interesting part of this video was that for every red card Roger "Rojo" Espinoza accumulates this year, he owes the entire Sporting KC squad lunch.
I'll point out that this ultimatum was unilaterally imposed by one Kei Kamara, and is a little bit unfair because, despite his reputation, Roger got only one red card last year on a team where seven different players earned their marching orders in MLS play.
But oh, man, there are so many questions that come up, now. Does this deal include coaches, staff, front office people? What's Roger's favorite kind of food? If it's cuisine from his native Honduras, then how easy is it to get carne asada and coconut in Kansas City?
It's worth mentioning, by the way, that one of the tiebreakers for playoff berths this season is disciplinary points. At the rate SKC are going – 3-0-0 for those who just woke up from hibernation – it won't be an issue. But still...
Talk amongst yourselves.
Photo Courtesy of ussoccerstore.com
I decided to look at the US Soccer online store today, and it had nothing to do with the e-mail blast they sent out telling me about their Spring collection. Cross my heart and hope to die.
And though it may not be particularly Spring-y, I found a hoodie that was well worth the price of admission.
The words on the back say, and I quote, "Haters Welcome."
I'm not really sure what that means. Is it a defiance thing a la "Don't Tread On Me?" Kind of a "hate us because we win?"
Is it an invitation to soccer "haters" to start watching? God knows I have enough friends who are haters, but I'm not sure that wearing this sweatshirt would convince them to start watching games with me.
Look, I'm all for helping the uninitiated get into soccer. Convincing – and I mean really convincing – someone to follow the beautiful game is unbelievably rewarding. Haters? Not sure if it's worth the fight. After all...
Thoughts, everyone? Smart? Silly? Would you wear it? Hit up that comment section and let us know.